Self-Invitation

via Daily Prompt: Invitation

Through life, we are being, continuously, invited. We get to be invited to social events, we get to be invited, for instance, to the principal’s office when we misbehave at school and, of course, to other kinds of activities and places. And as part of the invitation, we get the opportunity to choose to accept, or decline, those invitations.

In my opinion, most of the invitations we get are self-invitations – we invite ourselves to participate in a specific situation. Either we like it or not, the choices that we make are responses to these kinds of invitations. For example, if I chose to go to law school, I invited myself to participate in the activity of studying law, in law school – and I chose to accept it.

Sometimes we choose to decline these invitations. But why?

I would like to think that if I, myself, invited me to participate in a certain situation it was for the simple reason that I wanted to participate in it. And, if we keep in mind the fact that I wanted to be a part of something, and therefore I invited myself to it, what motivates me to decline the invitation?

I recently experienced a big change in my life. I had the opportunity to start all over again, from scratch. I invited myself to the big city, the biggest – New York. It’s so big that it made me feel that I’m small. Not small sized, but as a being – small, weak. It made me feel like I don’t have the strengths and the skills to be big, to achieve goals. It made me feel as if I should not have gotten the invitation from the start, at all. Not even from myself. That I’m not worth it.

So, if you think about it for a moment, I invited myself to be a part of a situation that I’m not feeling invited to. For some reason, I don’t have the courage to accept the invitation, to use it – to make the most out of it. In my heart, I believe, and I know, that I’m good enough. I know that I do have the skills. And I also know that it won’t be easy, I always knew it, and I don’t expect it to be.

So, the question remains – If I already accepted the invitation why do I simultaneously decline it?

 

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